A lot of heads are tripping out on the end of civilization as we know it. Well, at least I run into a lot of them. But they do have a point:
- America’s economy is sketchy.
- The Federal Reserve keeps printing money while forcing interest rates down.
- The bankers are getting off scott free.
It’s all kind of scary after watching a movie like Inside Job, or Capitalism: A Love Story. It makes me wonder if America could fall apart any day now. Complete collapse of the dollar, anarchy in the streets, no food, no water, no power. I’m not sure if I’m being a little too paranoid, but it got me thinking: If this is going to happen, how should I prepare for it?
By the way: I’m writing two posts on this topic. One for if you plan on remaining stationary. Meaning, you are not moving when the shit hits the fan. This post is for the people who will plan to stay put, and survive at the place you currently reside at. Watch for my second post which will be coming up soon. It will tell you how to pack if you plan on being mobile.
ATTENTION: This list is not in order!
I know what you’re thinking. What do condoms have to do with survival? Instead, think of this as currency. Condoms are relatively cheap (especially if you buy them online!) and during Doomsday, they are going to be worth a lot more! Think of it as the best investment for the end of the world.
People are still going to want to have sex, and NOT reproduce and NOT get diseases. Why? Because children consume additional precious resources, and without first class medical care, you are not going to want STDs.
I learned this from my buddy Ken in the Navy. He works on an aircraft carrier. And when they go out to sea for months at a time, and the ciggies run out, the fiends come out! A pack of cigs on the boat can go up to $20! Imagine how valuable they will be when all the liquor stores have been looted and the tobacco fields rot.
I feel weird linking to places to buy cheap smokes, but I heard Native American reservations were a good place to start…
Like cigarettes, beer will also be in demand by the drunks. I’m not going to elaborate on this too much, because you get the picture. Oh yeah, beer is cheap now and would be worth stocking right now.
4. SAS Survival Guide
I found this book one day at an outlet. The SAS is the same outfit Bear Grilles was a part of. It’s the British Special Forces. The Brits have occupied almost every country on this planet and have collected a lot of data on how to survive in every geographical zone on this planet. This book is super handy for providing the most basic survival skills for every type of terrain, climate and condition.
The nice thing about silver is that it’s much more affordable than gold and it has had a longer track record of sustaining value over dollars or any current currency in use. Silver has been used as currency for thousands of years and dollars only a few hundred.
If you can afford it, get some gold coinage too. The nice thing about gold is that is has more worth per weight which means you can transport a lot more value around without weighing your ass down too much (imagine if you had to carry the same equivalent of silver in your pockets ). The only downside is if you lose one gold coin it’s going to hurt….a lot.
7. Water Purification Pellets
This one is kinda obvious, but there is another factor to pellets that make them more valuable than a purification system or filter. The tremendous value of water purification pellets is that they are also easily transportable if you need to be on the move. Oh and they can be used as currency as well!
8. Water Filter
My friend Dave busted out this water filter when we went camping in the Grand Canyon last spring. It fucking rules. You just stick the nozzle into a stream and pump clean water into a bottle. It’s super easy to use, it doesn’t make your water taste like ass, and you can clean an infinite amount of water!
9. A Bad Ass Knife
Invest in a really well made knife, that has all those great bells n whistles like: A compass, a place to hold matches, a can opener etc. I really don’t need to stress this any further – this is survival 101.
10. Flint Fire Making Kit
These are a bit more of a pain in the ass than matches, but it can get wet and it lasts a long time.
Fuck it. Get matches too. Get a shit load of them. They are free right now Every time you go to a restaurant, take a few boxes. Every time you get gas, ask for some inside. Stock that shit up!
I know you’re like WTF? Seriously. Think about it. Writing shit down is the earliest form of communication. You might need to write a note to your woman like “Went to kill some rats, be back at dusk, if I don’t come back…uh…well….it was nice knowin ya”. But pencils have other purposes too: Like drawing yourself homemade porn, sketching out plans for rodent booby-traps etc and writing out wills.
13. Blank White Paper
I totally think multivitamins are a scam. I mean we get enough food (well most of us, or well most Americans) and we get all the vitamins we need from day to day eating. But when things get shitty, we might not be eating all too well. So get some vitamins now because they are small, easy to store, and will help if shit gets bad.
I wouldn’t buy cheap vitamins. Since the industry is pretty much a scam, I would make sure you get something legit. I started to do some research, but this is actually tough. If anyone finds a good research report or laboratory test on what the most effective multivitamin brand is please let us know :).
15. Shortwave Radio
Preferably one with a hand crank if they got em. For some reason 28 Days Later comes to mind. You might want to listen to every band and see if anyone else is communicating somewhere on earth. Information can be really helpful – think of it as the new internet. Or well, what we had before the internet. Hehe.
16. A Good Ass Jacket
Yeah I know most of you probably have one already. Well I live in Southern California and I don’t. But it does get cold here in the winter. So I’m going to get an amazing jacket. Waterproof, windproof, something you could fucking live in. A jacket you could make a tent out of. You know what I mean…
I love this stuff. It doesn’t burn like rubbing alcohol, it’s easy to apply and it will heal a shark bite. Also going to be worth a lot if shit goes down the tube (remember, always think currency).
18. A Good American Made Toolset
Why American made? Because it will be the last time American made tools will ever be made! Don’t buy those shitty Chinese tools.
Tools will be important for dismantling materials, parts, scraps from abandon buildings and facilities. And of course also to fix your own shit. Get a good hammer, screw driver set, allen keys, saws, and maybe even a hand powered drill.
19. A Shotgun
Shotguns are good because they generally only come in one gauge and that’s a 12 gauge. So ammo should be plenty available compared to other types of rounds. Also, it’s good for the members of your family that are not sharp shooters.
20. Drywall Screws
Chances are you’ll need to make repairs to your humble abode. I find drywall screws vastly superior to regular old nails. They grip way better, never get lose, and they can be reused. Be sure to have a screwdriver with a fat grip to make torqueing easier.
Why not stockpile a few bags of cement. It seems like something that might come in handy. Not sure why though…
Again, for the sake of keeping warm, accept no substitute. Nothing works better than thermals to keep your chode warm. I would get at least a dozen pairs – at some point you’re going to have problems with skid marks.
22. A Rain Poncho
Invest in a heavy duty one. There will be one shitty day where you’ll be in the rain for a long time.
23. A Wetsuit
Hell make it a dry suit. You may need to fjord a stream, go in the ocean or swim across a lake. In order to prevent hypothermia during one of these water crossings, a wetsuit is a must. Plus they also provide great warmth out of water if needed.
24. A Good Book On Home Gardening
Depending on where you live, you might be able to get a pretty substantial garden going and supply yourself a lot of food. I once grew a shitload of food in a 40′ x 1′ strip of dirt. It’s amazing how much shit you can grow in a very small area. Plus, if you get good at it, you can barter your produce for other goods.
25. Sewing Machine – Human Powered
I’m sure you’ll be able to pilfer clothes a million years after Doomsday hits, but it can’t hurt to have a sewing machine around. Don’t forget it’s also a tool to mend material together. You can double the size of tarps, repair sails, shit like that.
26. The Understanding On How To Eat Insects
This is seriously one of the most important survival techniques of all time. Insects are high in protein, and almost always available and take no energy to consume or prepare. Just learn which ones taste the best and carry the least bacteria or disease
27. Propane Generator
Now this is some high end shit. If you have the means to acquire one of these, then do so. Chances are there won’t be any electricity transmitted to your residence, so you’ll have to make your own. And there will probably be propane left for a little while after Doomsday. But when there isn’t, read the next item..
28. Fecal Digestor
Well, you’re not going to stop shitting. Well as long as your alive. You might as well turn that shit into gold. That’s right. Get a digestor to turn your solid waste in to methane. You can use this methane as a power source for your generator or fuel a BBQ grill. Of course, you should be very careful with this, because you essentially have a shit bomb attached to your home.
29. Basic Grains
I like corn meal because you can make grits. I happen to like grits. I guess flour wouldn’t hurt either. It’s a dry food source that lasts a long time.
30. Solar Panels
If you own a home, then I would definitely get these. You will never thank me enough. If you live in the Southwestern part of the U.S. you’ll be set. Free electric power. I would even suggest buying backups. If you get really crafty, you can get some car batteries and make a full on 24-hr electric supply system for your home.
31. Car Batteries
I’m not sure how long a car battery shelf life is, but it couldn’t hurt to have a dozen of them around. You can use em to power any electrical appliance you have.
32. Electrical Guide For Dummies
I know jack shit about electrical stuff – except that it can easily kill you. You’ll have plenty of time to become a master electrician after Doomsdays. Might as well get some reading done.
With all the sewing, rummaging, building, fixing, cutting, and dismantling you’ll be doing – you will probably cut yourself at least 100 times. Oh yeah, and the fighting off of wild pigs.
And for bigger wounds, you’ll need gauze.
35. Soldering Iron
Chances are you or someone you know will need to fix some electrical shit. You’ll need these to mend circuitry.
36. Cold Plate Water Maker
I found out about these nifty things last year. They are totally fucking awesome. You can pull drinking water right out of the air. It’s basically a refrigerated cold plate that collects condensation from the moisture in the air. They can produce 6 gallons a day! The only catch is you need electric power. We discussed how to do this above, so you should be fine.
37. Duct Tape
I almost forgot about this MacGyver staple. If you recall from that great show, you can fix a hot air balloon in flight with duct tape. I would get palettes of duct tape.
38. Porno Mags
So I ran out of ideas at 37 and asked for some help. Porno mags was suggested and fuck yeah it’s a no brainer. Chances are the internet will be down and we all know dudes need to jerk it at least once a day. This will be some highly valuable currency. Plus you’ll probably want to keep some around for yourself.
39. High Alcohol Content Liquor
My friend Dave says this is better than beer. It doesn’t require refrigeration, can be used as an antiseptic and/or fuel and/or molotov cocktail weapon for self-defense. My only beef with it is that it doesn’t come in easily dividable units for currency. But it does have plenty of other benefits.
40. Polarized Sunglasses
Dave says: “Show the apocalypse that you don’t give a shit as long as you got your shades.” That’s one way to look at it. But shades come in handy when you work outside and to protect your eyes from UV damage over the years. BUT DON’T BUY NON-POLARIZED SUNGLASSES! You’ll end up doing more damage to your eyes. Non-polarized sunglasses make your eyes relax and let in more rays. And since they are non-polarized, they don’t blocked out UV rays and end up damaging your eyes more than if you didn’t wear sunglasses at all.
41. Handcrank Flashlight
Wow. I can’t believe I almost forgot this. You should actually go out and buy one of these right now and keep it in your car. They never need batteries. Just crank it up for a minute and you’ll have constant light for several minutes.
42. 2 German Shepherds
I have mixed feelings about this one. On one hand, they are super smart loyal dogs that get big enough to provide you with a small body guard team. And if you have one male and one female, they can reproduce and make you a small army. However, they will need to consume resources and may bark when you don’t want them to. Meaning: when bad people are snooping around your home base they can kill your element of surprise.
This is definitely a lower priority. But chances are you might be dehydrated often and eating a lot of non-fibrous foods like jerky, twinkies and rocks. To aid with defication, laxatives may come in handy once in a while.
44. Imodium Ad
And of course you might get some really gnarly cases of diarrhea after gnawing on dead rats and pigeons. Diarrhea can kill you if you don’t plug your ass up (from dehydration).
45. Rubbing Alcohol
Another no brainer. It’s a good disinfectant. Can be used as a fuel. Get a shitload of it. Probably can be used for currency as well.
46. The Understanding Of How To Make Alcohol
Knowing how to make homemade alcohol would be a really good skill to have. For one, you can start a post-apocalyptic enterprise right off the bat. If you make some good moonshine, you’ll have customer for days. Secondly, you can make disinfectant as well. Third, you can make fuel for your generators. I would get on this ASAP.
47. Good Ass Boots
Gore-tex, vibram soles, insulated, laced (not zippered). And if you really think about, it would be totally shitty if you were scouring through rubble and stepped on a nail in your sneakers and then died of infection. Boots are a must.
48. Sturdy Bike
Nothing is more reliable than stashing away a good away sturdy bike for short excursions and quick get-aways. One-gear (no need to tweak and worry about derailleurs and shit), strong frame, knobby tires (can now get kevlar tubes and/or tires that will make them flat-proof).
49. The Dangerous Book for Boys
I got this book as gift a few years ago and it fucking rules. knots, how to make a battery, trips and traps, secret inks, how to catch and cook rabbit, first aid- nuff said. also, it teaches you how to play poker.
50. Security Blanky / Snuggy
Cuz shit can be rough nawmean. Doubles as towel or magic carpet.